The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle: Idealization, Devaluation, Discard

The narcissistic abuse cycle consist of the Idealization or love bombing phase, devaluation, and discard. The idealization phase is when the relationship starts and the narcissist puts you partner on a pedestal, and may shower you with gifts and praises which escalate quickly. For example, my ex husband said I was going to be his wife within the first two weeks of dating. This may feel great at first, but can eventually be overwhelming. Still, you may overlook the initial red flags and think you met your soul mate. Just when you think you hit the jackpot the narcissist hits you with the devaluation. Usually the devaluation comes from insecurities or soft spots you shared with the narcissist during the idealization phase, when you accidentally let your guard down. This is when the narcissist uses all your weaknesses to hurt you. A healthy partner would keep those insecurities safe between the two of you and help you overcome them, but with the narcissist what you say will be held against you, and if it works in their favor, will be used to destroy you. After the narcissist has got you into a sunken place and stripped you of any existing self esteem, the discard takes place. The narcissist will leave you for a partner that they have been grooming behind the scenes. This cycle of abuse is more like playing a game of chess. The narcissist is not capable of having a healthy relationship, and usually uses their partners for personal gain and gets rid of them when they are no longer useful. This is why it's important to get to know someone when starting a relationship so you can be on alert for red flags that can save you from entering into one of these manipulationships.