Anticipate the hoover after the discard

If you are familiar with the narcissistic abuse pattern, then you are familiar with the hoover technique that is used by the narcissist to lure you back into the abuse cycle. The hoover term originates from the hoover vacuum, and it's a part of the emotional abuse cycle a narcissist uses to keep you under their control. This is why if at all possible, you should use the no contact method, which I will elaborate on in my next post. If you have to remain in contact with a narcissist due to the fact that you have children together or you have to work alongside one, then you need to create strong boundaries and stand firm, because the narcissist is going to use tricky tactics to hoover you back in, and they will go to all lengths to make it happen. I've been hoovered almost 16 years after the discard, so you always have to anticipate this after being in relationship with these individuals. The hoover may come as a concern for a child y0u have together, a quick email or message asking how you have been, or an alarming situation (which is usually exaggerated) that arises concern so you reach back out to the abuser. These individuals have many tricks up their sleeves, so once you have a strong sense that this is what you are dealing with you have to create distance from this individual and create a plan as to how you will handle the hoover when it comes, because best believe it is coming, and it can catch you off guard if you do not have this knowledge. In the meantime you need to build confidence in yourself and surround yourself with individuals who understand what you went through and will hold you accountable. If you get sucked back in the relationship, the abuse will intensify, since the tactic is to break you down. Anticipate the hoover and get prepared, so when the narcissist returns you are stronger, and have enough emotional support and knowledge to decline the hoover and continue on your healing journey and path to self realization.